Breaking News ‘Deranged Sri Lankan cricket blogger attacks Sri Lankan team bus and kills the entire top order ‘

News filtering in now that a psychotic man identifying himself as only ‘the blogger’ has attacked and killed several of the Sri Lankan batsmen after yesterdays Final against Bangladesh.

The man had thrown leather balls at the team bus, shouting profanities and then demanded Upul Tharanga try to ‘run him out with the bus because that is he is all he is good for’. He then dragged out Sri Lankan captain Mahela Jayawardene, lined him up against the bus and had started throwing stones 2 feet either side of him, taunting him to ‘edge that you useless git’.

He then ransacked several players kit bags, early reports indicate it may have been Chamara Kapugedara’s and Upul Tharanga’s, pulled out their bats and had broken them at the handle. The crazy eyed man then rammed the handles up the players arses yelling ‘you dont need the rest of the bat, the way you play you sorry excuse for a top order player’.

Several players tried to reason with the man, namely Sangakkara and Maharoof, and a for a minute the man seemed to have calmed down, but when Sangakkara told the man ‘you are destroying your ‘character’ ‘, ‘the blogger’ attacked him with renewed anger. He smashed in Kumar’s fingers with his boot and told Sangakkara ‘make runs, not cricinfo articles’

At this point, Jehan Mubarak had slipped into his swimming trunks and had taken out his water polo ball and was poised for an attack himself, this seemed to somehow amuse the man, who with a swift kick to Jehan’s tender area took him hostage.

Several other players, who had initially been knocked unconcious when the bus toppled over, had now regained their barings. Ajantha Mendis, Nuwan Kulesakara and Murali all lined up as one man. Upon spotting Ajantha Mendis the man seemed to have been transfixed and lost his grip on Mubarak, who escaped to ring his dad for help.

Murali, Nuwan and Mendis later spoke with the man and told him they felt the same way that he did.

The man told them that he would have never hurt the bowlers and that he loved them.

Reports are unclear as to what happened next but the man had slipped away into the night but only after telling Mahela that he will be hearing from him again.


  1. sam said:

    Perhaps time for SL team to sleep over what happened in the last 2 games when they were humbled by BD….

    And more to think on the form of Skipper along with his place for being a skipper ? is he worth of being a skipper and does Jayasuriya got to go ?

    January 17, 2009
  2. Sachintha said:

    Maybe this ‘blogger’ is spendin his vaccation these days and made a quick trip to Banga for the final…
    Just thinking out loud…

    January 17, 2009
  3. nesta said:

    I assume you’re a little upset with Sri Lanka’s win. As they say a win is a win is a win. Perhaps they should reverse the batting order next match. Couldn’t do much worse!

    January 17, 2009
  4. insideEdge said:

    An Apology to Denagamage Proboth Mahela De Silva Jayawardena aka Captain Mahvelous aka Outside Edge:

    In a previous post I questioned your sanity for leaving the Power Play to the last 3 overs. Now I realise that this is all part of your brilliant strategy and that Murali having being eclipsed as the best spinner in the team has now become the prime exponenet of Power Play overs.

    I now accept that you are picked in the team for such fantastic captaincy and not for your complete batting inability. Therefore you are the legitimate successor to Mike Brearley, the only other batsman picked purely for Captaincy ability.

    January 17, 2009
  5. insideEdge said:

    Great post Damith.

    The Rupavahini reception was very poor and initially seeing 6 and 4 I was thinking what a good start and why the heck is Thushara opening the batting. Only when he got out did I see it, 6-5!

    The match proved that while Mubarak has no balls – committing suicide after doing the hard work of getting a start – Maharoof has balls of steel. This is not the first time that he had been there at the end in a narrow SL win – I remember well how he handled the pressure in the 1 wicket Test win over SA even after Mahela bottled it.

    Someone needs to sit Kapu down and show him a video of Mahela’s career and tell him that unless Kapu improves his technique he will be forever a Mahela – a walking wicket against the moving ball even after 8000 test runs and 100 Tests and an 11 year Test career. It also shows that Mahela is far too content to cruise along and accumulate cheap runs but lacks the professional pride to have worked on his technique so that he doesn’t become the laughing stock when the ball moves.

    January 17, 2009
  6. Q said:

    Brilliant attack!

    January 18, 2009
  7. Damith, if lanka had gone down to B’desh, you would’ve topped this. Imagine. If lanka goes down to pak you still might.

    January 18, 2009
  8. Rat said:

    I was so sure that the round robin game against Bangla was fixed in order to ensure Bangla got into the final and keep the organisers happy! I mean how can a full strength SL side who trashed zim by 130 lose by bonus points to Bangla??……… However after our batting display yesterday I now have my doubts on that! Maybe our batting really is total shit!

    January 18, 2009
  9. damiths said:

    Sam> Problem is who to replace Mahela with as captain, tbh Id love it if he made more runs. Sanaths been on the ropes for a while, but I dont think the selectors have enough confidence in the youngsters to replace him with.

    Sach> No Idea where you came up with that one.

    Nesta> You could say I wasnt overly thrilled with the batting. Extremely thrilled with the win though. Murali and Maharoof to open in PPs!

    Sujan> Cheers!

    Inside> Couldnt have put it better my self. The difference between Mahela and Brearley is that Mike was actually a good captain! Maybe Mahela needs to read his book.

    Q>Ya If I knew who it was I would give him a great big hug

    BCC!> Why does everyone think this attack was by me ? There is no proof!

    Rat> I doubt a fix was on, We were just shit in both games and was hit with Shakibs brilliance. Dont think the bookies are too interested in this series tbh 🙂

    January 19, 2009
  10. Taylor Swift said:

    i love taylor i wish i could go 2 her concert

    March 23, 2009
  11. Chavie said:

    so now we know who was responsible for Lahore eh? 😉

    July 13, 2009

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