exclusive interview with Ijaz ‘Jabba’ Butt

'If I get egg on my face, I will lick it off'

flyslip: Mr. Ijaz..
Ijaz: Pls call me Jabba..all my friends do so you might as well.

fs- ok… Jabba, can we start by you addressing allegations from Giles Clarke of the ECB that an entire cargo shipment of Duke cricket balls have gone missing because..you ate them all?

Jabba- oh please, not this again, I have told you people a million times, it was a small misunderstanding. Giles called me after the shipment arrived and asked me to rate the balls. So I put him on hold and had a nibble at one of them. I didn’t think much of them, but they were ok. So, I got carried away a little and finished 3-4 boxes. So what? How was I supposed to know he had meant how they perform during matches.

fs- I see, is it true that you have never left this office since you took over?

jabba-(slightly angered), Are you implying that I am fat, boy? Let me tell you this, alot of people have accused me of being overweight, so overweight that I haven’t actually moved for about 14 years from this current posistion. But I say to those people, is this something you can prove? Where is the proof? Just show me.

fs- Err..we only meant that you seem very dedicated to your job..but moving on..what are your comments on these fresh allegations of match fixing that have hit Pakistan cricket and what actions have you taken?

jabba- SO you really think we havent taken action. Tell me Mr. fancy blogger, if we were to take action against a cricketer, where do you think it would hurt them the most

fs- I guess their pay or being dropped…

jabba-Hahaha, god you are so ignorant, its the food you fool,  you cut off their food supply. That’s how we do things here at the PCB. You do the crime you loose your meal vouchers, in fact I have those vouchers sent directly to my offices.

fs- Wow, so who has had their vouchers confiscated?

jabba- Clever, you think I am just going to give you names?
I will give you a clue though, what would you do if your stomach was making embarrassing noises and you thought you would pass out, I guess you might put whatver you had in your hand in your mouth. Have you seen anyone do that recently…

fs- So you are saying  Afridi has been involved with Match Fixing?

jabba- Afridi? Who said anything about Afridi? I am only telling you about the procedure we carry out. Dont go putting words in my mouth. Because they are not very filling.

Excuse me for a minute..

(Gets on the intercom). Hello, has the buffet for 50 been set up ? Yes sir, it’s ready. Alright thanks.

jabba-Sorry we are going to have to cut this short. My lunch is ready and I don’t like to eat my food when its cold.

fs-ok, well thank you for your time, hope you have a good day.

jabba- Thanks, but remember, you don’t have any proof of that.


  1. Ceci said:

    Cutting off the meal vouchers… hahahaha!! Brilliant Damith

    March 1, 2010
  2. damiths said:

    ceci> thanks ! good to see you around these parts !

    March 1, 2010
  3. damiths said:

    Dingo> an interesting take. I bet his friends call him that too.

    March 2, 2010
  4. Mark said:

    Sorry, but this article was just not funny.

    March 7, 2010

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